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IMG_5481[1]
(photo: Bok Choy with garlic, olive oil, and red pepper flakes: $2.00 for 2 pounds)

One of the critical life lessons I learned from my Italian family is how to value food. Specifically, I was taught: 

1., how to cook and the closely associated idea of, 

2., why food is important and should be taken seriously.  

My mother taught me the mechanics of making all sorts of foods from scratch, ranging from pasta to risotto and roasted baby goat to pan seared swordfish.  And at the same time, I learned how important it was to make time for preparing food and, thereafter, sharing it at a communal table with family and friends (and to repeat the process as much as possible).  I equate the latter lesson I was taught as an Italian boy to the importance of reading and scholarly endeavors in the Jewish tradition, for example.  The idea of food being important and necessary for a good quality life is in my blood and I can't imagine living any other way (I know people who place incredible value on Yankee baseball or a shiny new car every three years; misguided values or to each his own?).

In turn, it comes as a great shock and disappointment when one looks around and sees a culture of fast food, obesity, and the general lack of importance in relation to consuming homemade food in the US.  Specifically, we hear many reasons from the so-called "food experts", including the notion that buying quality ingredients to produce fresh and homemade food is an expensive endeavor in the United States (ask a European how expensive food can be and did you know that food in the US is actually cheaper than it was, say, 50 years ago <see the documentary Food, Inc.?>).  And, moreover, it's more economical for a family of four to purchase dinner and lunch from McDonald's, for example, then to go out and buy fresh food (this isn't the view of the food expert).  What the experts are implying is that poor people choose fast food and other high calorie meals because they have no choice and are priced out from shopping for fruits, vegetables, fish, meats, grains, etc.  

To the latter assertion I say, "that's nonsense!"  And, yes, I'm going to turn to the recent immigrant storybook to illustrate that one doesn't not need to spend a fortune to eat well and, moreover, that a family of four can take his or her fast food budget and prepare "from scratch" meals that are quick, cheap, healthy, and taste good (eating well doesn't equate to the need for great spending power, as the folks at SeriousEats.com seem to suggest when responding to one of Pollan's eating tips). 

IMG_5483[1]
(photo: One pound of Wild Flounder made with breadcrumbs, olive oil, and lemon zest.  The fish easily fed four people: $9.99 per pound or $10.00 for serving of four).

Let's take the price of an average meal at McDonalds for four and say that the Smith family will consume 4 medium size French fries, 3 cheeseburgers, 1 6 piece chicken McNugget, and 4 medium sizes Cokes (let's assume dinner will cost about $20; I don't have access to a menu with prices so I just estimated).  With that same $20 I can head to my local independent market (some would call it a gourmet market) and purchase the following items for dinner (I actually bought these items for dinner two days ago):

- 1 pounds of wild flounder fillet for $9.99 per pound or $10.00
- 1 box of artisan ravioli from Vitamia in Lodi, NJ (16 total ravioli) for  $4.50
- 2 medium sized Bok Choy heads (about 2lbs for 99 cents a poud) for $2.00
- 1 loaf of Sullivan Street bread (this is a large bread which will last a few days) for $3.50
- Total: $20.00

Note: I live in a region of the US where the cost of living is high.  

With the above ingredients I made baked flounder with breadcrumbs, lemon zest, and olive oil, ravioli with already prepared homemade tomato sauce, and sautéed bok choy with garlic and olive oil.  We consumed the bread with our fish and vegetable.  We did finish up our meal with two fresh pears and two oranges that were purchased during a different trip to the market.  The meal fed 4 adults (with an appropriate sized portion of fish, vegetable, and bread per person and we started the meal with 4 ravioli per serving).  

Our meal was tasty, satisfying, made with fresh ingredients, and for the exception of the ravioli and bread, prepared at home.  You could certainly make your own bread and pasta at home, and keep price down, but for a Mon-Fri type of meal this is the sort of "pre packaged" items that are ok to buy, in my view.

IMG_5480[1]
(photo: Artisan ravioli made by Vitamia in Lodi, NJ with homemade tomato sauce with mushrooms, made a few nights earlier: 1 pound for $4.50 ).

So, why is it that many poor to middle income families choose the fast food route when it comes to meal choice?  Could the families who choose prepared food not be ingrained with the idea that consuming quality food is important?  If not for my specific culture and upbringing, for example, I certainly would not consider food an important part of living in the US because it's not taught at school or praised in the media.  Therefore, a probable explanation for eating habits in the US may be cultural norms rather than income or access to fresh ingredients.  In sum, I choose to spend my twenty dollars for wild/fresh fish, greens, artisan bread, and handmade ravioli, as opposed to prepared French fries, cheeseburgers, Coke, and deep fried chicken nuggets, because I was taught from an early age to value food and make it at home.  Eating well isn't a byproduct of socio-economic factors (don't listen to the food experts), but rather how one is raised and views the preparation and consumption of food.  Being poor doesn't force you to eat at McDonald's, rather being taught that consuming pre-made food is acceptable (from an early age) and part of how one lives is the culprit.
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yuppies
(photo: cast from the film, American Psycho)

I see it all the time, twenty and thirty somethings ingrained with the idea that they deserve what they deem desirable, whether it be a new wardrobe, apartment in a trendy city, new luxury car, a monstrous new kitchen, the latest Smartphone, and/or a 6 bedroom home in a privileged suburb.  Let me break the news to you in a subtle fashion: Dear Twenty or Thirty Something, You don't deserve anything!  It doesn't matter if you've lived a privileged life in the past or attended the finest universities where high-brow culture and aesthetics are taught alongside neurobiology and philosophy, when it comes to self entitlement you might as well be begging on the street because what you desire isn't always what you should or can get!
 
I see less of the self entitlement disease in the offspring of recent immigrants and amongst the working class set, but there does seem to be a trend amongst middle class adults (whether young adults <Gen X and Y> or burgeoning teenagers) to want and acquire what hasn't been earned or deserved.

Let's look at a few examples of specific symptoms associated with the self entitlement disease and how an average, middle class, twenty something can rid him/herself of the early symptoms and, in turn, find a cure for the larger, possibly life debilitating, disease:

1.  Symptom: Yearning for gadgets and services with monthly, auto renewing, fees.  

Often the young adults will look around and notice peers with $200+ Smartphones like the iPhone, HTC, Droid, etc, and crave not only the hardware but also the data, phone, and text plans.  The same adult also needs his or her own DVR (like Tivo or add on from the cable company), unlimited cable stations, Netflix subscription, game console, and an open door policy on iTune purchases.  

How to cure the symptoms: Stick with a basic phone with a bare bones monthly plan (and use you work computer and home or office land line for calls).  Use your personal workstation for viewing free shows on the web and rent movies for free from your local library.  Your local library will also find any new music you may want to listen to, so just pick up the CD from your local library and burn it at home.

2. Symptom:  Yearning for a new car with all the bells and whistles via monthly lease.  

How to cure the symptom: The adult has to first get it in his or her mind that it doesn't matter what type of car one drives.  Thereafter, the adult should buy a use vehicle with basic safety features and good reliability and low cost of vehicle ownership.  There's plenty of time to maybe one day own a nice vehicle (if that sort of thing is important, but folks between the ages of 18-45 should focus on building real wealth and not German nameplates and leather seats).  

3. Symptom: Yearning for an apartment in a big city or big home in the suburbs.  

How to cure the symptoms: As we all now clearly see not everyone can afford a home or, more specifically, an ideal home.   If you're 25 or so and suddenly want a 5 bedroom home in a quiet street in the suburbs because you grew up in that sort of environment or because you have that image in your head, that's not good enough.  If you want to own your own home, then you'll need, at the least, a 20 percent down payment, ability to spend lots of money and time on home improvement and necessary maintenance, and the ability to build wealth along side paying your mortgage and property taxes (that is to say, if your total housing expenses exceed 20-25 percent of your take home pay, then you are in over your head and aren't doing other things with your money).

In addition to self entitlement being bad for the individual, it also sets up unnecessary desires, beliefs, and wants in the children of the self entitled class.
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kidfountain
(photo: my young uncle washing his hands in an outdoor fountain in Bagnara, Calabra - Village of Pellegrina)

One of the most important life skills you can teach your child is how to save or, more specifically, why it's important to save.   My parents would often bring me to the bank as a small child and I observed my mother writing and cashing checks, depositing money, etc.  By the time I was 7 or 8 my parents told me about a little blue passbook they had opened for me when I was born.  The passbook (or savings account) contained some regular deposits and a healthy amount of money.  I had no sense of the value of the account or what the cash really represented, but I do remember my parents telling me:

1. This is where you will (not can) save any money you come across (birthday, holiday, etc.).

2. Once you put money into the little blue book you really do not want to take it out.

3. The bank will give you some money in return for keeping a little blue book full of money.

The lesson above was very simplistic; namely, that saving is good and should be taken seriously.  Beyond setting up a savings account for me, my parents also exposed me to their financial goings-on from a very early age (I knew for example how much my father made via his paycheck, what our tenants would pay in rent each month, and how much my dad would collect for small handy-man type projects).  My parents hid nothing about our financial life or status, so I was "in the know" from a very early age.  Some experts have argued, especially in light of the recent recession, that parents should aim to shelter financial goings on from their kids given stress, anxiety, etc.  And while every parents should customize parental advice for his or her child (read: understand what type of child you have and adjust parents style), I believe in empowering children and raising smart, pragmatic, kids who will be ready to face the world!

So, when beginning your child's fiscal eduction you want to make sure you do the following:

1. Set up a savings account
 and describe what it is meant for and how you make regular deposits.

2. Expose your child to every inch of your family's financial life (in a sense treat the child as an adult and describe how much money the family makes <and the different sources of money>, what the family does with money, and what money can and cannot provide).

Start the personal finance discussion slowly and make it as easy to digest as possible.  That is to say, talk about saving money and not interest rates or how money is needed for a home, food, and security and not to buy video games, go out to eat, or impress people.  

I know of some families that never discuss money matters and this can be potentially dangerous to a child's personal finance eduction (which isn't taught in schools, unfortunately, and is the responsibility of the parent).  Money is not a dirty word nor should parents treat it as formal topic only open to adults.  The sooner a child feels comfortable dealing with money the quicker he/she can begin to see the value of money what it can and cannot provide an individual (security versus happiness, for example).  

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tommaso_sleep

When Tommaso arrived a little over 5 weeks ago he did not come with a technical specification document (that's geek speak for instructions on how he was built).  You see if Tommaso had the correct documents I could simply troubleshoot his crying, turning red, uncontrollable kicking, etc. as opposed to the, ummm, going with my gut type behavior I'm exhibiting these days.  

Here are some things I've learned this past month (to possibly help you avoid going with the gut thing):

1. Prepare for the unexpected.  What does non stop crying or a little bit of blood in spit up mean?  Moreover, is gas normal for newborns and has little Timmy eaten enough tonight?  Newborns are reacting to their bodies and mom and dad just react to little Timmy (the tough part is that parents don't know when a particular reaction is coming or what it means).  The expression, "going with the flow" never rang so true.

2. You will not sleep (very much) - it's true.  Functioning without sleep is difficult at first, but after the first few days you will adjust and function fine.  Most babies begin sleeping through the night after 3 months or so (thank God).  

3. Specialization (thank you, Marx).  It's almost impossible to "share" taking care of the baby.  Naturally, you and your partner will excel at doing certain tasks over others (learn who can do what better and divide and conquer).  This is efficient sharing.

4. Breast Feeding is Tough.  As I've told many people, my wife is doing most of the "heavy lifting" when it comes to nurturing our new son.  That is to say, she is breast feeding and while things are going smoothly now, breast feeding was a challenge in the early stages (don't even ask).  So, bribe your lactation consultant at the hospital and get to know other moms who are going through the same experience (actually, someone should build a Google for breast feeding).

5. Ask for Help / Relocate Near Your Parents.  It is extremely difficult, if not impossible, to take care of a newborn baby all alone.  We, for example, have had tremendous help from our parents, family, friends, etc. and we would be in terrible shape without our generous social network.  Read the above as: Don't go at it alone.  

6. Enjoy the time, it really does go by quickly.  Newborns change very quickly - from body hair to body fat, your typical baby is going through tremendous change, so try and savor each moment (specific things will never happen again!).

7. You will need lots of diapers.  We were lucky enough to have many boxes of newborn diapers given to us via my wife's baby shower and it still blows my mind how many diapers we change per day (I know it ain't' Green).

8. Speak to your baby as much as possible.  Babies respond to language even though they have yet to acquire speech.  Our 5 week old loves to follow conversations with his head and eyes; in fact, Charlie Rose has already inquired if he's available to host the show in a few years.

9. Cook in bulk / eat leftovers.  It becomes difficult to cook with a newborn (and this is coming from a dyed in the wool home cook), but if you or your significant other is making dinner one night try making a few dishes to store in the freezer.  If you can't get into the kitchen, ask friends and family to cook for you (and reward them with a bottle of wine or some time with the new baby!).

10. Go out for walks / socialize with family and friends.  You may have a tendency to lock yourself in your home and take care of your baby, but visiting family, strolls around the neighborhood, or even a quick car ride for a coffee/food does wonders for mom's mental state!

Feel free to add your tips and experiences and I'll include them in the list above!

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hustle
(photo: child labor in the early 20th century, source of photo unknown).

Continuing on the theme of offering parents practical tips, I ask the all important question: do you encourage your children to hustle?  

Teaching your kids to hustle or instilling a good work ethic is critical to raising children, in my view.  And it seems many of today's young children are spoiled and posses a sense of self entitlement, partly because of parenting style and cultural norms.  I'm afraid that the old school mentality of not babying children may indeed be correct.   I'm certainly not advocating that parents create a "sweat shop" (per the photo above) atmosphere at home, but parents must create an environment that consists of A., love, B., compassion, C., safety, and D., the idea that working hard is important.

Here are a few tips that may instill the "hustling" mentality in your young children:
 
1. Be a role model.  Do you work hard around the house?  Children are like little scientists who observe and thereafter run tests (specifically, they're observing their parents and then mimicking what they see).

2. Talk about the value of work.  Tell your children about what hard work means and what it can provide in the way of security and rewards.  It's often a good idea to reinforce what children observe with an explanation via a conversation.  

3. Allow your child to fail, yet don't allow them to not finish a given task or chore around the house.  One of the most critical life lessons my parents taught me early on is that it's ok to make mistakes, fail, or not do something well, but it's never ok to be lazy or not complete a given project.  In turn, I think they instilled stubbornness in me (for better or worse!).  Is stubbornness a good life skill?

4. Teach your kids the value of money and that working hard can lead to acquiring money for savings and a good quality of life.  I've heard from parenting experts who advise not to teach young kids about money, but rather wait for the appropriate time period (that is, once they reach a certain age).  In my view, it's never too early to begin talking about money with children (of course the conversation should scale with the your child's age and cognitive ability, but generally the US produces young adults with a very poor personal finance IQ).

5. Point out examples of laziness or behavior that is not acceptable.  It's tough for young kids to understand theory, but they easily digest examples of bad behavior in the real world.  Here I'm not advocating a boot camp type mentality but I do believe that discipline is a good thing when raising kids.

6. Try and instill patience and the idea that work will not be enjoyable or fun all the time.  I had a hard time with acquiring the patience skill set as a child and I often wanted to finish up my homework, chores, meals, etc. in the quickest possible fashion.  In my mind if I finished something quickly I could move on to the next thing whether it be playing outside or getting to school.  Patience is a great skill set and it goes hand in hand with the idea of having perspective (or not sweating the small stuff).

7. Reward your child if they show positive behavior - including a small allowance, day at the park, a new book from the bookstore, etc.  Children need motivation just like adults!

Update February, 2010: It's interesting to look back at the above tips after having a child.  Back in Jan of 2009 we were 6 months away from having our first child and I have to say that I wouldn't change any of my recommendations.  

What I will say, however, is that I can see why I compassionate parent would want to spoil their child.  Like most good parents, you want to see your child happy and without worry, but it's important to differentiate between a child's long term happiness and the sort of quick hit happiness that comes about with spoiling your child on a day to day basis.  
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