A recent article in the New York Times by Natalie Angier argued that we could learn a lot by watching the social habits of babies. More specifically, Angier suggested that the social skills of infants are at the core of what make us human:
"...a baby promotes many of the behaviors and emotions that we prize in ourselves and that often distinguish us from other animals, including a willingness to share, to cooperate with strangers, to relax one's guard, uncurl one's lip and widen one's pronoun circle beyond the stifling confines of me, myself and mine."
This got me thinking about the benefits of getting along with people and having good social skills, in general. Individuals who are "good with people" usually work well with groups, empathize with others, and try to put themselves in other people's shoes so they can figure out what others are thinking and feeling.
Here are five advantages associated with having good social skills:
1. More Relationships
Identifying with individuals leads to both relationships and, at times, friendships. And, as most people know, you can't advance very far in life without being able to leverage relationships. Focusing on relationships will help you land a job, advance in your job, make new friends, and give you a better outlook on life (a large social network equals satisfaction with life).
2. Great Communication Skills
Relating with people and being able to work in large groups inadvertently develops one's communications skills. After all, you can't have great social skills without good communications skills and, in my view, being able to convey one's thoughts and ideas maybe the single most important business skill of all time.
3. More Efficiency
If you're good with people you can probably avoid being with the people you don't like very much. For example, many folks dread social interactions because they don't want to spend time with individuals who do not have similar interests and viewpoints. So, if you're at a business get together and don't want to spend time with Joe because he can't help you close a particular deal, a great set of social skills will allow you to politely convey that you need to spend time with other folks at the get together.
4. A Better Career
Most worthwhile jobs have a people component and the most lucrative positions often involve a large amount of time spent interacting with employees, media, colleagues, etc. It's a rare individual who can isolate himself in his office and still excel in his or her job. Most organizations are looking for individuals with a particular, tactical, skill set and the ability to influence people to get things done.
5. Increased Quality of Life / Happiness
Getting along with people will open up many personal and career-related doors. Striking up a conversation at a work related conference may lead to a new job offer with a higher salary or a smile and hello at your local tennis club may grab you a new tennis partner! It's also been widely acknowledged that retirees with a large social network have a higher level of happiness during their later years versus depressed and lonely 60-somethings who spend the majority of their free time watching TV with little or no social activities planned.
I never really thought of #3 "If you're good with people you can probably avoid being with the people you don't like very much."
This is something I have a big problem with. I spend time with people I don't like, being polite on the outside, but feeling very frustrated inside, and like I am unable to get away. I have trouble either politely excusing myself or telling them to shove off. Any hints?
Hi David,
I think the key is to spend just enough time with the person you don't like just to give him or her the impression that you're not being rude.
Also, try and find something of interest that the person is saying and then latch on to that and ask a few questions (you basically want to listen and then go for a few questions to engage the person and thereafter politely excuse yourself - spend no more than 5 minutes doing this).
Good luck.
Vin, this is good advice and you bring attention to a need which most people have, to be social and enjoy the company of others.